We need help (or maybe just me)

If (only) you didn't matter, all these fights wouldn't have happened.

Maybe I'm dealing with it all wrong. Teach me the right way then. The fear of probing relates to not wanting you to feel like I'm a pest.

Telling me my opinion matters holds such a minute value now. Because what matters to me, does not to you. Or maybe it does, just not as much as it do to me. I don't know.

If I can be something,  I want to be a huge bottle, so I wouldn't have to worry about spilling over.

Feel like we are such a huge mess. Amidst all the good parts, we're still a ball of mess. Like a tangled up yarn ball, we have so many knots. And to untangle them, it's the choice between being patient daily or just burn it off.

Stubborn like an ox about this pool of love even when we've both admitted that we find ourselves drowning in it.

When then, is the last straw? Is it even right to start something and not persevere till the end? Then when is the end? How do we know when it's the end?

"If it's not okay, it's not the end." But what is okay and what's not? Is it possible to be okay when things are not okay? 

Perhaps, being caught in a bad quarrel is also a symbol of love. Love...
Love is bittersweet. Love hurts. Love heals. Love is one word that can define so many things. Much as we fight a tug-o-war between his thoughts and mine, it's all because we want the other one to see things from our side. But sometimes, even when we both don't get what we want, we are still able to find contentment in the third choice.

Desire set our compass but real life steers the course. What falls under desire and what falls under real life? What desires do we have to give up for our course to be right? Are we lost?

So full of questions, perhaps no one can answer. I wish I could be numb and not think so much. But when things go bad, it all hurts like papercuts.

I guess if it hurts, and it heals, it's love. Just love.

xx