We're Alive

So the last time I wrote, it was of melodramatic love stories and almost depressing depictions of my life. Those were painfully true, mostly at that point in time. But we're all past that phase and starting to move on. Putting the past behind, learning every lesson along the way.

People go through so many things in their life and the only constant, isn't change, but what I'd like to think as is 'unexpectedness'. Of course, you can say "isn't that the same thing as change?", no my dear, it isn't. You can always expect but you can never foresee an unexpected circumstance.

For instance, you wake up and feel like you're ready to take on whatever comes your way for the day but the moment someone annoys you during your commute to work, your day is cracked. Unexpectedly, it is ruined. I tend to think it's true that "with expectations comes disappointments" but hey, if you don't have expectations, what are you doing for / to  / with yourself on a daily basis? You drink a cup of coffee expecting that the caffeine will fix you. You pick up the phone to dial a set of numbers expecting that someone on the other end picks up (and greets you nicely). Even the night before, you went to bed expecting to wake up the next day.

Often, we find ourselves getting more disappointed with our expectations when it comes to handling it based on someone. You'll never be as disappointed in your cup of coffee than in someone. And it usually hurts more to know that the "caffeine" in someone didn't make it.

I'd never understood expectations, maybe because I'm afraid to be disappointed. That is me being a coward. But what I realized is that if I don't expect, I am being irresponsible about myself and this affects the people around me. I have personal expectations but it didn't occur to me that expectations in my own personality and maturity plays a damn huge part in making sure that I won't get disappointed; that the people around me will feel disappointed lesser. Of course, I'm not about to share those expectations here with you. But you'll see and you'll feel the unexpectedness from me.

So start expecting yourself to be better, and take people by surprise as to how much you've grown. There are so many things you can reflect on upon yourself cause we all have flaws. And at the end of the day, all you'll want is to go to bed, knowing you did well today, in terms of maybe the ability to withhold your temper, your judgments, your brusque comments and whatsoever. Y'know, those bad bad things that makes you a terrible person that people expected you to be.

Sometimes, I hope that I can meet up to my husband's expectations. And no, he don't have much of me but there are some that I find it hard to bid goodbye to. But, he's always patient enough to take me on another day and love me more everyday.