∞

I used to think that marriage will not stand (much) in the way of one's career but being married now, I know that I was wrong to think that way. Suddenly you find that you are hindered in almost every possible way trying to juggle work and your relationship.

His work demands a lot from him, more than what he's paid to do, signed to do but he does it anyways. And that has caused so many hiccups in his relationship, which is now, a marriage. And I'm being as supportive as I can try to be, with one of my eyes closed. Now the other eye is filled with sand and it hurts so badly, removing the sand isn't enough to let me see things from his point of view. At this point in time, I just wish I could go blind (not literally) and not see all the shit that's going on.

I realised that voicing out has caused me to feel more, more upset and more lonely. If I could just keep quiet, perhaps, I would just let it slip off day by day, week by week. Continue seeing him once a week and behave like I'm not bothered.

Maybe one day, I'll be able to get there, forgo everything that bugs me about his job and the fact that I feel like a single, just being locked to a red thread.

Maybe others will think that I'm not a good Wife because one usually is labelled as the "supportive Wife" to her man who works hard for the bread and butter of the household. But any good Wife and supportive Wife needs her Husband every now and then to make her feel nothing less than a woman in a marriage with a particular man who's only there for her max, 12 hours a week.

More than a Wife, I'm human and I'm one with feelings.

I don't know how long I can continue living this way until I feel that being alone is actually much better for my soul. At least, when I'm really alone, I have nothing to complain about. It'll be much better than having someone but then he's not really there.

xx