Woke up with the whole zoo causing a rampage in my stomach, and I don't really know why I felt that way.
Setting that aside, I guess I am feeling less hurt today as compared to the past few torturous days that kept me awake all night, crying myself to sleep and drinking till I'm completely tired. Somehow, I want this to end quickly as well. And I could think of 2 possible reasons why.
1. I want to build a future and be able to start a family with a new man and have my first baby with him at 28.
2. I don't want to be reminded daily for the next 3 years that I once had a marriage and a man I love, but was all crushed when it didn't work out as planned.
There have been certain potential opportunities pushed into my path as I recover and heal but I guess I'm not ready yet emotionally. I don't want a rebound, and sure as hell am not interested to "play" around and give people the wrong idea for the sake of a moment of affection.
I want it to be real. As real as it was when I was with him. I want comfortability and intimacy. I want security and affirmation. I want the dream I lost.
At this stage of healing, I don't think there is any word to describe what it is that I feel for him now.
Whatever it is, I'm looking forward and ahead.
Let's start with tonight :)
xx
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